Life

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The Mistake of Placing Anyone On A Pedestal

down from the pedastal

I attended a family reunion a few days ago and while it was nice to see and visit with people I don’t see very often, there was one conversation I had that left me angry and sad simultaneously. After the reunion and on the way back, there was a very near miss. One could almost say that it was a miracle that there wasn’t a crash involving the loss of lives… mine included. I don’t believe in miracles so I’ll put me being here and able to type this down to sheer, dumb luck. The combination of the upsetting conversation and the near miss caused me to reevaluate some things. The first thing I’ve done is made a very conscious decision to beware of placing anyone on a pedestal. I hadn’t even realized I’d been doing this for more than 30 years but I certainly realized it during the extremely

Then There Was Silence

only silence

I’ve been thinking a lot about my aunt lately. The one I mentioned here. The one I watched die. She was a lifesaver for me during a period of my life in which I was getting into a lot of trouble. She took me to her farm and things rapidly got better for me. I wish I could talk with her now. I could use her advice right now. Out of all the people in my family… parents, sibling, uncles, aunts, grandparents… only she and my grandfather “got” me. Only they understood me. I could talk to them. I could tell them about things going on in my life without worry of getting a condescending lecture, judgmental looks, or simply walking out on me. When someone like that is no longer around when they’ve helped so much with their wisdom it truly leaves a void.
Then There Was Silence
I, along with

Lessons Learned From Hesitation

Never Hesitate

Every single time I’ve hesitated to act on an instinct or strong feeling to either do something or avoid doing something it turned out to be a disaster. All throughout my life it’s been that way. When I was younger, much of the hesitating to act stemmed directly from a misguided desire to make my parents proud of me. I’ve always wondered if that trait, to want to gain the approval of parents, is hardwired into us. If so, it’s clearly a major blunder of evolution. Especially when the parents and offspring couldn’t possibly be any different. Adding to that the fact that I’ve always been the “black sheep” of the family, the “ne’er-do-right”, and it’s little wonder that even when I did try to do something I thought would make the family proud it still turned out to be a complete disaster… mostly for me. Because I was acting

Bipolar Disorder, Texas, and New Mexico

Bipolar

Being in New Mexico is healing for me, and healing is something I need. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the second time recently (I wanted a second opinion). As I type this out I’m not in a good place. To make matters worse in a most literal sense, I’ve had to come back to Texas. Texas always makes things worse for me. The confrontational/adversarial attitude of Texas cops, the oppressive heat and humidity, tornadoes, hail larger than your open hand… the list is almost endless. So why do I keep coming back to a place such as Texas? Family. ALL of my family reside in Texas. The reason they stay in such a place is beyond my comprehension but they do.
I don’t know if it’s my shrink or the drugs I’ve been put on but I just can’t seem to get any help when I’m like this. I

The Truth May Set You Free, But It Can Break Your Heart Too

Betrayal

I recently learned, in the most painful of ways, to be wary of recording devices such as a helmet camera that have been acting buggy. My helmet cam has for some time been turning on with movement, wasting both battery and space on memory. Other times, when I try to turn it on it won’t turn on. Recently I stopped by to visit some people who were very dear to me. I not only loved them but trusted them… something that does not come easily for me. When I arrived I removed all my riding gear, including the helmet with the camera just mentioned. When I set it down on a piece of furniture the camera evidently turned itself on again. I had even checked it to make sure it wasn’t on and I didn’t see the little blinking light that indicates it is recording. But it was. We talked

Denton, Texas

Denton Texas Square and Courthouse

There is a place in Texas that I can actually say I like. It’s Denton. It’s as if someone took the spirit of Santa Fe, NM and plopped it into one area of Texas. Of course Denton doesn’t have Santa Fe’s architecture, history, or climate but it most definitely rocks. There is always something to do or see in Denton. The locals even have a hashtag and name for enjoying the many things Denton has to offer. It’s #Dentoning. Nice, huh?! I kinda like it.
Something For Everyone In Denton
Denton has something for everyone! It’s a college town (two colleges actually, North Texas and Texas Women’s University) so there is of course a wide variety of places geared specifically for college aged people. That doesn’t mean, however, that those of us somewhat older are left out in the cold (or heat and tornadoes, rather, since Denton is in Texas). On the

Pics, Storms, And My 100th Post

Another round of storms is in the forecast for tonight and the following 72 hours so I thought I’d drop in to a Starbucks, grab my favorite green tea, cool off before getting as far as I can before I have to take shelter from the coming storms. I wanted to share some of the pics I’ve taken along the way. If you like rural areas and flowers, you should like these. There are some pretty places but I’m still yearning for the mountains and if the storms will ever let me ride for more than a few hours at a time I’ll eventually get there. Then I can show you some truly amazing scenery. Oh, and this makes my 100th post on this blog!
Flowers
Here is one of my favorite types of wildflower. I’ve always heard it called an Indian Paintbrush. They sometimes grow alongside or near Bluebonnets. I saw

Religion, Death of a Loved One, and Unanswered Questions

No clear answers

I haven’t posted in a while because, well, I didn’t really have anything to say. That’s not entirely accurate in a way I suppose… I had a lot in my heart and on my mind but I didn’t, and still don’t, know how to translate it into words. My aunt recently died. I, along with other family members, was in the room with her when she took her last breath. I was in there when the nurse called for the lady who pronounced officially what we already knew. It was called at 4:25 pm, but her last breath was actually about three minutes before that. I’ve been walking around feeling numb since. Numb except for the pain. Sort of like a daze I suppose. Lots of memories flooding back and lots of questions.
Where Now?
I’ve studied two religions extensively for decades. Buddhism and Christianity. I was raised in a Christian home

Loneliness And The Nomadic Lifestyle

loneliness, nomadic lifestyle

There’s a lot of blogs and videos out there about travelling… being nomadic in particular, and I read several of them. But one thing I notice that  doesn’t get mentioned much is loneliness. Maybe they don’t experience it as frequently as I do, I really can’t say. Everything seems so chipper and perfect with them that, well, who wouldn’t envy them? A few of them mention it from time to time and how they deal with it and I really appreciate that. Makes me feel like I’m not some sort of anomaly. I can tell you that I most certainly feel loneliness. Not all the time of course or I’d drop this lifestyle, but when I do feel the loneliness it can be quite intense.
 
No Strangers
“A stranger is only a friend you haven’t met yet…” isn’t that how the saying goes? Yeah, well, I guess that’s true in a

The Annoying Increase In The Use Of Platitudes And Other Banalities

platitudes

Anyone that has looked at Facebook or Twitter lately has more likely than not been inundated with platitudes that are what passes for “wisdom” on these social media platforms. I’ve pretty much stopped using Facebook for that very reason. That and the incessant political or religious posts and memes. It is a very rare occasion I find anything remotely useful on Facebook. Twitter is almost as bad but I still find useful information there so I still use it. For now.
 
Insulting and Pointless Rhetoric
“I hope things get better for you soon!”
“I will be praying for you.”
“Oh, that’s just terrible, I wish you the best of luck.”
How many times have you heard these or something similar? I don’t know about you but when I’m in a situation that prompts these sorts of responses I really, truly don’t want to hear them. If I’m in a situation that I need