Mental Health

categories (10 Posts)

Doctors Who Don’t Believe In Mental Illness Are Dangerous

Jesus Freak Doctors

Disastrous Doctor Visit
I went to see my doctor today. My PCP. I learned he doesn’t believe in psychiatry, mental illness, or anything of the sort. He said my problem was not physical, emotional, or mental. He said it is a “spiritual problem”. That everything I have been suffering for decades is simply because I haven’t chosen Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. Yep. You read that right. When I pointed out that religious beliefs have nothing to do with mental illness and that Christians suffer mental illness on the same level per capita as non-Christians he replied that those who profess to be Christians but “have problems” such as these are merely “church-goers”, not real Christians. Real Christians, according to him, do not experience such problems because Jesus took upon himself all the problems in the world and overcame them on the cross. Obviously, this man has no business

The Sorry State Of Mental Health Hospitals In America

mental hospital

It’s truly astounding just how quickly everything can become truly and utterly fucked up. If anyone is still reading this blog, they’ll have noticed that this is my first post in a very long time. At least it seems like a long time. Like ages. A lot has happened between the last post and this one and I’m trying to think of one part of it all that was good. I’m still alive so that’s good… I suppose. Anyway, I’ve been in what is called “crisis”. I’ve been doing everything I can to stay out of the fucking hospital where they put people that they simply don’t know what to do with. I’ve known people that have gone into those hospitals and I can say from personal observation and stories from those that have been in there that (a.) they don’t help anyone, much less “cure” them and (b.) people

Bad Dreams, Religious Nonsense, and Loneliness

too many thoughts racing

Man, I’m really struggling here… I’ve got a million things on my mind and want to write about them all but every time I begin to type today I see what I’ve written and realize that it probably won’t make any sense at all to readers so I delete and start over. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve deleted and restarted on this post today. It’s extremely difficult to try to convey anything at all in a coherent manner when there are so many disparate topics running through my mind seemingly simultaneously. Religion, sleep, dreams, goals, loneliness: all of these things are on my mind today and I want to write about them all but I don’t want to bore you to tears or end up typing out a saga instead of a blog post. I’ll start with two at the same time since they are related anyway…
Sleep

Insomnia… Another Fun Effect of Bipolar Disorder (but things could be worse)

never ask

Insomnia sucks. Last night I managed to get five hours of sleep and I woke feeling better than I have in weeks. That’s because for the last few weeks I’ve been experiencing insomnia to such a degree that I’m lucky if I get two or three hours of sleep. So, a full five hours felt pretty good. I go in cycles with insomnia. I know it has to do with the whole bipolar BS. The insomnia always comes when the depression is at its worst and it comes again when what I call the energy phase is peaking and lasts right through the rage phase. No amount of breath-counting or meditation works. The only thing that helps is being alone. If there are other people around I can’t sleep at all. What’s worse is that the lack of sleep makes everything seem worse and makes me feel physically bad as

I Really Need To Get Out Of Texas For Good!

Texas sucks

I’m 51 years old and I’ve been noticing a dramatic change in my thinking of late. I have become obsessed with how I want to spend the rest of my life, I find regret haunting me relentlessly, and my priorities have definitely changed. I don’t think it’s a midlife crisis for two reasons… the first being it’s a little late for that and the second being that I don’t find myself wanting to buy a fancy new car or wishing for a younger woman. I simply want to make some changes in my life that will make me a happier and better person. Finding a way back to New Mexico and staying there is my priority. As for the regret that has been relentlessly haunting me, well, there’s nothing to be done about that. On the minuscule and incredibly remote chance that the person involved in that particular regret ever

Depression and Rage: My Attempt To Describe My Bipolar Disorder

rage

I’ve written before that when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I wanted a second opinion. I got that second evaluation and opinion and it was the same except worse. They added “with psychotic features” to it. The “psychotic features” doesn’t mean like the movie Psycho. It just means that I’ve had times in the past where I’ve experienced auditory and visual hallucinations. I only remember one visual hallucination and even though I know it was a hallucination, the memory of what I saw seems as real as any of the other things I’ve seen that are real. That’s how powerful a hallucination can be. It occurred during a time of extreme distress in which different prescription drugs were being thrown at me. I think it was the drugs since I’ve not experienced any sort of hallucination since. The label/stigma aside, the two worst things about this disorder in my

Collecting Dust

collecting dust

While I’m stuck here in Texas for a at least another month I thought I’d go through everything I’ve gathered and kept during my 51 years thus far. It’s surprisingly little. Most of it is from the 80s, things I had bought, been awarded, and in one case given to me. The item that was given to me is from the 70s and it was one of my great-grandmothers who have it to me. All of them just collecting dust. Anyway, I went through it and decided to give it away. I have three sons and wanted to divide the stuff up among them. As I’ve mentioned it’s not much, but I’ve kept them because each item has deep meaning to me. To my surprise (and I admit it was a little painful too) they didn’t want any of it. I was asked over and over again why I wanted

Bipolar Disorder, Texas, and New Mexico

Bipolar

Being in New Mexico is healing for me, and healing is something I need. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder for the second time recently (I wanted a second opinion). As I type this out I’m not in a good place. To make matters worse in a most literal sense, I’ve had to come back to Texas. Texas always makes things worse for me. The confrontational/adversarial attitude of Texas cops, the oppressive heat and humidity, tornadoes, hail larger than your open hand… the list is almost endless. So why do I keep coming back to a place such as Texas? Family. ALL of my family reside in Texas. The reason they stay in such a place is beyond my comprehension but they do.
I don’t know if it’s my shrink or the drugs I’ve been put on but I just can’t seem to get any help when I’m like this. I

The Truth May Set You Free, But It Can Break Your Heart Too

Betrayal

I recently learned, in the most painful of ways, to be wary of recording devices such as a helmet camera that have been acting buggy. My helmet cam has for some time been turning on with movement, wasting both battery and space on memory. Other times, when I try to turn it on it won’t turn on. Recently I stopped by to visit some people who were very dear to me. I not only loved them but trusted them… something that does not come easily for me. When I arrived I removed all my riding gear, including the helmet with the camera just mentioned. When I set it down on a piece of furniture the camera evidently turned itself on again. I had even checked it to make sure it wasn’t on and I didn’t see the little blinking light that indicates it is recording. But it was. We talked

An Open Letter To Counselors And Therapists Everywhere

Mental Health

If you’re wanting or already beginning a career in counseling (as in therapist, counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist, etc) please examine yourself first as well as your motivations. If you can’t find even basic compassion within yourself for individuals who do not fit into your personal idea of what a “good” person should be, such as sharing your personal religious views, political views, views regarding social norms,… basically your own personal worldview then please choose another career. Seriously. For the best interest of everyone involved, if you can’t find compassion within yourself for those who hold vastly different views than yourself, you have no business in the mental health field.
 
A Very Bad Experience
I say this because of a recent experience with a “counselor”. When you feel worse about things after the session than you did before it and that bad feeling and low mood persists for days because of the session then