I’m 51 years old and I’ve been noticing a dramatic change in my thinking of late. I have become obsessed with how I want to spend the rest of my life, I find regret haunting me relentlessly, and my priorities have definitely changed. I don’t think it’s a midlife crisis for two reasons… the first being it’s a little late for that and the second being that I don’t find myself wanting to buy a fancy new car or wishing for a younger woman. I simply want to make some changes in my life that will make me a happier and better person. Finding a way back to New Mexico and staying there is my priority. As for the regret that has been relentlessly haunting me, well, there’s nothing to be done about that. On the minuscule and incredibly remote chance that the person involved in that particular regret ever
I recently learned, in the most painful of ways, to be wary of recording devices such as a helmet camera that have been acting buggy. My helmet cam has for some time been turning on with movement, wasting both battery and space on memory. Other times, when I try to turn it on it won’t turn on. Recently I stopped by to visit some people who were very dear to me. I not only loved them but trusted them… something that does not come easily for me. When I arrived I removed all my riding gear, including the helmet with the camera just mentioned. When I set it down on a piece of furniture the camera evidently turned itself on again. I had even checked it to make sure it wasn’t on and I didn’t see the little blinking light that indicates it is recording. But it was. We talked
Anyone that has looked at Facebook or Twitter lately has more likely than not been inundated with platitudes that are what passes for “wisdom” on these social media platforms. I’ve pretty much stopped using Facebook for that very reason. That and the incessant political or religious posts and memes. It is a very rare occasion I find anything remotely useful on Facebook. Twitter is almost as bad but I still find useful information there so I still use it. For now.
Insulting and Pointless Rhetoric
“I hope things get better for you soon!”
“I will be praying for you.”
“Oh, that’s just terrible, I wish you the best of luck.”
How many times have you heard these or something similar? I don’t know about you but when I’m in a situation that prompts these sorts of responses I really, truly don’t want to hear them. If I’m in a situation that I need
I just wrote about the American Dream being a lie and listed a number of things that I see as proof of this. But now I’ve just really had enough of the bullsh*t. I’m in the process of gathering only the belongings I need (instead of just want) and prepping my bike to just take off. Yep, I’m talking about just taking off and going wherever the hell I want to. When I get there I’ll know. When I get tired of that place I’ll leave. No more contracts for me. No more chasing after things. I’m all about freedom and experiences now. I’ve tried the whole American Dream thing and I’ve found that not only is it a huge lie, but it’s shallow… empty. It’s left me angry (as you can probably tell by some of the rants I’ve posted). I’m tired of being angry. It’s toxic. I already
Sometimes life just slaps you right in the face and before you can even figure that out it kicks you in the teeth. Because of a doctor’s carelessness and negligence my aunt is on life support. The doctor is in serious trouble with the hospital but even worse trouble when my cousins slap him with a lawsuit filled with multiple complaints. But his life will go on. My aunt on the other hand, well, it’s not looking very promising. Then a few days ago another cousin was rushed to the ER with suspected meningitis. She went into septic shock and actually survived that with the help of some extremely talented and knowledgeable doctors and nurses. She is still in the hospital and doctors are still calling her “septic” but she is showing signs of improvement. Meningitis tests came back negative but the septicemia is/was serious enough by far.
Both of these
Ever had one of those really profound “Aha!” moments? A moment of such clarity that it simply smashes through all the mundane and exact duplicate days before it? I recently had such a moment. It was so many things simultaneously… shock, anger, surprise, and a completely new determination and strength of will. The shock was from suddenly seeing so clearly why I am where I am right now. All the decisions based completely and utterly on trying to please other people. Every decision, all of them, based on only the desire to keep the peace and not mess with the status quo. The anger came from that realization. That the reason I’ve been through all the shit I’ve been through is because for all these years I didn’t have the balls to actually do what is necessary to actually improve my life because that would mean destroying the status quo,
Lesson learned. Don’t allow stress to overwhelm you. After almost three weeks of not knowing what was going on with me, feeling unwell, feeling tired and weak, unable to sleep well (or at all some nights), appetite changes, palpitations and so on I’m now finally feeling better and have an understanding of what had happened to me. I was completely overwhelmed by stress to the point that it was making me physically ill. I even went for a ride today after almost three weeks out of the saddle. It was amazing and reminded me of all the reasons I ride a motorcycle and don’t even own a car.
I am fortunate in that I am able to work from home, but even with that I wasn’t able to get much done. I also managed to write a few posts to this blog, but the whole experience was terrible. A silver lining,
Being torn apart from the inside. The darkest state of existence. Feeling drained, empty, and void. Not just looking into but actually falling into the abyss. Beyond sad. All these and many more are apt descriptions of clinical depression, or major depressive disorder. All, or almost all, joy found in life vanishes. Often the absolute hell of anxiety and/or panic attacks sets in. It becomes impossible to function normally. It can take a monumental effort of sheer will to simply get out of bed. It feels like you are constantly moving through an invisible thick molasses both mentally and physically. At other times your mind is racing so fast because of anxiety that analytical, coherent thought processes are washed away in a tsunami of fear/panic. You become aware of literally every sensation regarding your body and often zero in on one, such as your heart or a pain somewhere and
There’s even more dire warnings from the American Heart Association regarding sitting and how it’s most definitely gonna kill you. They now say that light exercise such as doing household chores or light walking aren’t enough to offset the incredibly awful damage done by simply sitting. Hopefully this doesn’t apply to riding a motorcycle for hours every day. Even if it does, I’m not going to give up riding. I know damn well that riding a motorcycle is at least more demanding than sitting behind the wheel of most cars today. Anyway, I get off topic. Back to the doom and gloom.
They (the AHA) say that the evidence they have directly contributes to heart disease and diabetes. What’s more, they say that American adults spend between 6 to 8 hours per day sitting. The time sitting is even longer for those 60 and older. This is hardly surprising seeing as