Due to the ongoing and completely inexcusable (not to mention illegal) government surveillance and its newer, sneakier, and nastier methods of carrying out said surveillance and attacking computers I have moved back to Linux. I used various distros of Linux and even some of the BSDs for decades until I got a shiny new laptop some time ago with Windows 10 on it and decided that I could ease up a bit on my demands regarding an OS and its security. Well, that’s over now. After using and getting to know Windows 10 I decided it couldn’t be relied upon for any real level of security, much less anonymity when I wanted it. Using a “flavor” (distro) of Linux won’t, in and of itself, protect you from most of the more sophisticated attacks and surveillance methods but it is a vast improvement over Windows. In order to achieve a reasonable
“You are a survivor.” Those are the exact words one of my shrinks said to me years ago. I think the words hold truer now even more than when he spoke them. I have survived the deepest, darkest places of my psyche. I have survived headlong plunges into utter madness and clawing my way back up again. I survived the night I put a loaded, chambered .45 to my head, pushing it so hard against my head it hurt. I don’t know why I put the gun down but the fact is that I did. I survived plans to hang myself. I have survived motorcycle crashes, one of them serious. So, yes, I think the shrink was right. I am a survivor. But now I am trying to more than simply survive… I am trying to thrive.
Over the last few days something has changed within me. It is impossible to
—- I wanted to write about two completely different topics but couldn’t decide which to write about so I chose to write about both. So this is sort of a double post, two topics. —-
It’s been a long while since I’ve posted anything but if anyone is still reading I haven’t been idle. I’ve been learning a lot and trying to improve my life. I’m frequently astounded by the power of the mind. I’m also fascinated by the mind-body connection, for example, how assuming certain postures effects your mind/mental state. I’m not talking about yoga postures… just simple adjustments to the way you are holding your body. Like when feeling down or nervous people tend to hunch over. I’ve read this is an unconscious physical response to protect the heart, lungs and so on. But by keeping this posture one only perpetuates the problem causing it. If one changes posture,
I don’t know why but an experience I had some time ago has been on my mind a lot lately… like in an OCD sort of frequency. I have sleep apnea and sometimes it gets very bad. I don’t know why I have it other than it seems to run in my family. I don’t have a CPAP because you have to undergo a sleep test to get one and I don’t even have a quarter of the money those costs. Anyway, one night it got really bad, probably the worst it had ever been or has been since. It actually woke me up. I was trying to inhale but couldn’t and by the time I had woke up my oxygen level must have been pretty low because there was excruciating pain in my head and chest. I was beginning to panic because this was worse than any time before
Within many meditative traditions “insights” are common, perhaps even the goal in some cases. The most well-known meditative traditions in the West are the myriad of Buddhist traditions and among them the top two most well-known, I would bet, are Zen and what is termed “Tibetan Buddhism”. The Buddhist traditions are not, however, the only game in town. Meditation has become so mainstream that it is being taught and practiced everywhere from the corporate world to the prison world. With good reason I might add because it works if done correctly and regularly. But it has also become so commercialized that words and phrases such as “mindfulness”, “being present”, “living in the moment” and so on have become mere caricatures of the wisdom they once pointed to. Whenever I see or read and advertisement using those words or phrases, or see an article with them in the title I catch
Ah, the topics of religion and spirituality. Things that are never far from my mind. I separate the two because I don’t believe they are the same. So many questions, so many years of study and research to find answers to those questions only to come up with more questions more difficult than the previous ones. I equate religion with dogma, ecclesiasticism, and hierarchy. Spirituality, on the other hand, is personal, healing, sustaining, and free of dogmatism. At least that’s the way I define and view the two. Every religion, without exception, has rules or dogma. Even those more recent on the religious landscape that claim to be free of all dogma while ironically proscribing one thing or another. Spirituality, as previously mentioned, is (at least to my mind) something profoundly personal and there is no hierarchy, priests, priestesses, or anyone else to tell you how you should think and
“Desperate times call for desperate measures” or “drastic times call for drastic” measures… I prefer a slight rearrangement of words in these idioms. Desperate times call for drastic measures. For me that is more precise. There comes a time, I would imagine, in everyone’s life when drastic measures are required. The more desperate the situation, the more drastic the measure(s) may need to be to remedy the situation. I cannot speak for everyone, I can only relate my own situation and so this is something of a disclaimer. Everyone knows I’m not a doctor or a shrink, I’m just someone who has dealt with decades of poorly controlled bipolar disorder, depression, rage and anxiety. So, I have a good grasp of what has not worked for me. I’m not claiming that what hasn’t worked for me is universally ineffective, so any litigation-happy pharmaceutical companies can go fuck themselves.
What I’ve noticed
Fair warning: If profanity offends your sensitivities then be forewarned that this is a profanity-laden post. However, it’s a very important post… in fact, I would say that it is the most important post I’ve done on this site. So if you are one of those who are offended by profanity, please set that aside for just long enough to read this post. My emotions were very raw as I wrote it and therefore it is, to say the least, unbridled, unapologetic, and some may even call it confrontational. But when people are losing their lives because others aren’t listening to them on a scale I’ve never seen before, it’s time to put away the niceties and just call it as it is. I’m particularly aiming this post at you, Wise County, Texas and any other place that is so caught up in their radical religious beliefs that meaningful discussion
We live in a cookie-cutter society, I think that much is obvious to anyone who looks closely. In case it’s not clear, allow me to elaborate a bit. Take a look around you the next time you’re at work or shopping or even watching TV. 99.9% of the behavior, dress, hair style, and everything else is either exactly the same or so similar that it could pass for exact. There are very, very few variations and all too often those variations, especially if they are actually stark differences, are labelled as misfit, crazy, or some other derogatory term. There’s very little that’s new or different. People in offices are made to dress according to company standards, much like the school uniform codes in Japan. People working outdoor jobs are now required by government to wear OSHA approved clothing. The cookie-cutter mentality is even in schools, from very young all the
I’m considering shutting down this blog. There’s so much (and nothing) going on in my life at present. I’m trying to find focus but it seems an impossible task at the moment. By far the most read post on this blog is the Kawasaki Vulcan S review. It gets nearly all the hits every single day. While that’s fine I suppose I wish that readers would take a look at the other content here. Some do, but far and away the most attention is payed to that single post. In a way that is very discouraging because what is the point of maintaining a blog if only a single post out of over a hundred is being read? I realize I tend to go all over the place with my topics, that I don’t have a niche or a single interesting subject matter… I simply write about what happens to