While I’m stuck here in Texas for a at least another month I thought I’d go through everything I’ve gathered and kept during my 51 years thus far. It’s surprisingly little. Most of it is from the 80s, things I had bought, been awarded, and in one case given to me. The item that was given to me is from the 70s and it was one of my great-grandmothers who have it to me. All of them just collecting dust. Anyway, I went through it and decided to give it away. I have three sons and wanted to divide the stuff up among them. As I’ve mentioned it’s not much, but I’ve kept them because each item has deep meaning to me. To my surprise (and I admit it was a little painful too) they didn’t want any of it. I was asked over and over again why I wanted to give the stuff away. They know how much it means to me. I suppose I was expecting them to be happy or excited I was giving them these things that are so important to me. I said that I just wanted to get rid of it and make sure it stayed in the family and that I was starting over. All the items still sit where they did, unmoved, untouched. Oh well, that’s that I suppose.
Like the items I tried to give away, I feel that all I’m doing is collecting dust here in Texas. It’s too hot and humid during the day to do anything at all and it storms almost every night. So, like everyone one else I know in this area, I sit inside with the air conditioning so that I don’t die of heatstroke like so many in Texas do during the summer. I can remember when I built power lines that it was an impossible battle to stay hydrated. I also remember the people that suffered heat stroke or got killed because the heat makes it impossible to think clearly after several hours out in it. Our work days were only supposed to be 10 hours long but they regularly were 12 because we were contractors and paid by the unit, not the hour. Being trapped inside does terrible things to your body and mind. It doesn’t take long at 51 yrs old to get out of shape after getting used to hiking every day in New Mexico. Sleep gets messed up because you can’t get tired enough from indoor activity and there’s also the 24 hour artificial light messing with your circadian rhythm. The things it does to your mood and mind are just as bad or perhaps even worse. The feeling of being trapped creates anxiety, irritability, and other unpleasant things. Eventually depression sets in and you end up like one of the items I tried to give away… sitting around collecting dust. That’s one of the many reasons I get so depressed in Texas. So many people just sitting around collecting dust. Me just sitting around collecting dust. It’s all so dismally depressing and it’s the same thing day in and day out. Seriously. No variations, no changes. Here all one does is repeat the same day thousands of times. A sort of suspended animation until your either move away or death finally ends your misery.